He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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