I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
