He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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