i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
