i wish peter jackson would direct porn
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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