dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
