WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
