If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
