I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
