i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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