dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is Oprah even human
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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