Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
