Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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