I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
