and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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