I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
