my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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