If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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