Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
