Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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