talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
