Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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