for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What drink are we having for lunch?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
