If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
