I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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