Do you still have your period?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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