That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
