found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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