Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
