just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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