I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
