apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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