Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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