i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
