I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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