Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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