The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
