Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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