I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
