you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
