whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
