She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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