Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
