im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
