Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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