I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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