is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
