I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
