Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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