My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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