I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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