your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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