My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
