C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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