you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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