Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
