Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
