Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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