so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
