The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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