did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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