Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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