APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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