Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I supernannyed him into submission
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
