im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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