I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
