She's like a pop up book from hell.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
