you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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