the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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