Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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