Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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