Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
