I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize