It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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