i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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