do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
