New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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