dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
