Define "chronic" masturbator.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sext me about skeletons
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize