yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
